Nowhere Is Too Far

It was a year ago today, the day that Paige died.

We were in Provo, Utah – home of Brigham Young and lots of Mormons. We had ridden in the day before, spent a beautiful night in the city, wandering streets we’d probably never see again, breaking off into our unspoken groups  we had clicked with.

The next morning we said goodbye to our friend Varun as he carried on alone towards the West coast. After we wiped away some tears and cracked some final jokes, the 31 of us remaining packed into the van to work on a build site. A few hot hours, some donated snow cones, and one happy future home owner later, we were back to the church. I showered, called my dad after not speaking to him for a few days and then I saw them.

A few of the leaders – Mob, B$, and Natalie – were breaking down, obviously upset.

“I’ll call ya back Dad, something’s happened.”

I think we all thought something happened to Varun – our mate that had left us just a matter of hours ago. But we were wrong. Paige Hicks had gotten hit and killed by a truck driver in South Dakota.

I was originally going to save this post for myself, no sense in sharing it. But a year later I thought it might be worth posting.

Here’s what I wrote that night amidst the hurt, confusion, and worry:

“A girl died today.

Not for love, war, or martyrdom. She was just riding her bike.

Her name was Paige – 22 years old – fresh out of college… the whole world in front of her. But she loved riding her bike. It was her second time across the country. Who knew South Dakota would mean the end of it?

I’m sure she woke up like all of us – anxious for the ride, having to act excited about being sweep. And, like all of us would, she got excited when her cellphone went off after days with no reception.

Then the trucker didn’t see her in time.

Now, two people have to bury their daughter and begin the hardest days of their lives.

But she loved riding her bike.

The world seems so relentless. It stops for no one, that is, unless you manage to make a name for yourself by fame, money, or glory. The tail lights still stroll on by. People will still laugh. The sun will still spring up tomorrow – showing little remorse for the loss of others.

I can’t help but wonder how much fear incidences like this leave in the minds of people with no hope. All I know is I have something to hold on to.

Today I witnessed the beauty of the land, and the ugliness of those that dwell in it.”

That day, all of SC2SC10 and probably all of Bike & Build felt like nowhere was too far to visit one another.

Nowhere was too far to help one another if we needed it. And today I still remember,

Nowhere Is Too Far,

Paul.

Still Not a Man

It’s not a new thought, but it’s true – opinions are like butts. Everybody has one, and they (usually) always stink.

By definition I could probably fit into the category of “another-idiot-with-a-blog” so as such, I’ve kept my nose out of the controversy that is Rob Bell.

I can’t tell you what Rob believes, but I don’t think he has made a Universalist plunge. However, I do think he is asking some tough questions, and as a result, is receiving some tough criticism. I’m not trying to defend Rob, nor am I going to tear him apart and recommend nobody read his book and discredit him as a pastor or Christian.

Here’s what I know…

• God created all of this out of nothing – something no scientist in all of history has ever been able to accomplish
• God loves and IS love, and sacrificed his son in order for us to have the opportunity to spend eternity with Him.
• Because of that, we have access to this thing called “Salvation.”
• What we do here on earth, in this life, really matters.

Here’s what I’m wrestling with…

• I know God is both a) faithful and b) relentless (see 2 Timothy 2:13)
• If we, as human beings, born and destined to battle with sin for our entire lives, choose to reject God’s love, would He – being a gentleman – allow His creation to deny his love? I think so…

And here’s what I’m settling on…

• For us to begin to speculate about what God will/won’t/could/couldn’t/should/shouldn’t do is dangerous business

Once we start doing that, we are attempting to put God in a box.

This box makes it easy for us to comprehend God, to predict what He is going to do, and – in some way – find out how He feels on topics so that we can align ourselves with his obviously right-leaning tendencies.

But God is bigger than that.
He’s not white.
Not a Man.
Not on a Cloud somewhere.
It’s doubtful He has a beard.
He’s not a Republican.
Or a Democrat.
or an American.

He loves me,
and you,
and Rob Bell,
and the millions of people He created that have never heard the words “Jesus Christ” uttered. Ever.

He cares about how we treat the world He created because – after all – how we treat the creation reflects how we feel about the creator.

We can define Him by His word, the Bible, but we can never afford to attempt to predict Him by our standards, by our reasoning, or by our prejudices.

He loves. He is love.

God is a gentleman.

Being careful to not be so careful,
Paul

From Common To Divine

I was asked a few weeks ago to write an article for the church I go to called Sonrise. They recently started a series called “Wonder” that deals with generosity and a curiosity about what would happen if we lived life together… intentionally. Here’s what I wrote.

//

“Little kids are impressed with little things. I have a 7-year-old second cousin, and needless to say, he loves me. Not because I’m somehow cooler than all the other people in his life or because I buy him gifts all the time (which I don’t. I’m a terrible cousin), but because I have an iPhone.

Yes, I am that guy that shows up to my cousin’s swim meets and all he wants to do is play on my phone. He’s not interested in it because he has important calls or emails to catch up on. He’s interested in it for one reason – games.

Zombies, blood, and guns. Games with birds getting launched out of slingshots. I am the man with awesome games his parents don’t let him play. And it makes me the coolest.

Now, understand something. I am not the only person in Fort Wayne with an iPhone – or even the only person in my family with one. We can all agree that having an iPhone – especially today – is not something spectacular. A luxury, yes, but not spectacular. So why is it such a big deal to him?

It’s because he’s a kid. And to kids, the smallest, most common things are so much more than small and common.

This is what Jesus does. Jesus turns the common into divine. He looks at you and me, our church communities, and he says, “It’s so much more than that.”

In Matthew 26 verses 26-28 it says this:

²⁶While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.” ²⁷Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. ²⁸This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”

Jesus takes the bread and wine – common foods eaten at virtually every meal – and says, “It’s so much more than that. It’s divine.”

Jesus takes each one of us – one person out of the nearly 7 billion on the planet – and says to us, “You are so much more than just a person. You’re unique. You matter.”

Jesus looks at our church services – what we walk in and out of every Sunday – and says, “It is so much more than that. This is community, and when you come together in unity, under my name, life change happens.” (Matt. 18:20)

But the distraction from the divine – from awe and wonder – comes when we get caught up in the “common.” When it’s just another church service, it’s just another morning we take communion. Just another cousin with an iPhone. Just another…

Jesus doesn’t see “just another…” It’s not in his vocabulary.

So I challenge you to find Him in the small things today. Refuse to let Him simply be common in your life. Let him be divine. Give him your attention, today – your full attention – and see what happens.”

Looking for the divine,

Paul Paino // paulpaino.wordpress.com

Speaks

Ah, after another month-long drought of not hearing from me via blog, here I am!

Let me tell you, life has been pretty exciting since my last update.

Not really, pretty bland actually. Work and school have dominated most of my time – both of which I’m grateful for, but as an individual who is still adjusting to the norms of society again, it’s almost like having a tooth pulled every day.

If you’ve been keeping relatively up-to-date with me, you know that I’ve decided to try reading through the Bible this year. I won’t lie, it’s been hard, and I’m a little behind right now, but I’m still turning pages and getting a closer look than I’ve had before on the story of our faith. It’s been quite humbling.

I’m not the first person to introduce this idea, but it’s a rather overwhelming topic throughout the Bible, and it’s the idea of rescue.

God’s people seem to be more comfortable in captivity, but over and over again God sends a prophet that leads them away from their captors. It’s why we sing the popular Hillsong tune Hosanna. In Hebrew, hosanna literally means “save us now.” The human race constantly needs saving from itself.

This cycle continues until Jesus enters the scene and says, “No more.”

Somebody once told me that all great rescues happen in deeper water.

Having worked as a lifeguard a couple summers ago, I can attest to this. Sure you have your “rescues” that happen in the shallow end – the kid that doesn’t understand he can reach if he will put his feet down. But those aren’t very exciting.

The diving well provided much more animated rescues. I’ll never forget the 21-year-old Burmese man who was wearing boxers and a dress shirt that jumped into the 15-foot-deep diving well – after I asked him if he could swim, to which he responded “yes.” – and sank like a rock. I jumped in, swam as fast as I could, executed a splendid surface dive, and pulled him up by his wrist. Saved.

I wonder how full this pool is getting.

Grace and Peace,

Paul

Speaks

One day God tells Adam, “Adam. I want to give you a wife. She will cook for you, clean for you, raise your children, and be there to meet your every need. She’ll be faithful and love you till the day you die.”

“What’ll it cost me?” Adam asked.

God responded, “Only an arm and a leg.”

Adam thought about it for a second then asked, “What can I get for a rib?”

Oh, church humor.
I’ve started reading through the Bible this year. It seems like every year I
start off with the intent of reading through the whole Bible, and somewhere along the line I miss a day, play catch-up, miss a couple more days, and then before I know it I’ve lost it. I know, I suck.

In the words of a wiser person: I have a really hard time being a Christian.

But the Bible is so cool. Not in a Sunday School “you kids should read your Bible because it’s fun and hip!” kind of way – it’s genuinely cool. Trying to read the Bible in a year means
starting at the beginning – Genesis. Such a crazy book. In the first few sentences God takes nothing, and speaks. The words He spoke created. They created the Earth, the heavens, us. Aside from this setting the entire universe into motion, this has some other significant meaning for us. When God speaks, big things happen. And
not just physically big, but life-altering big.

I told some good friends of mine the other day that, “God won’t always speak to us and tell is what cereal to eat in the morning. Not because he
doesn’t care about us, but simply because he’s more concerned with
speaking to you in regards to your character and not your calorie
intake.” But he very well may discuss those Lucky Charms with you.

If the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil really was an apple, why do we keep eating apples? It’s funny how we misconstrue what God says.

In Genesis 2:17 God tells Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. A few verses later, in chapter 3, Eve is telling the serpent God told her not to eat from OR TOUCH the tree.

Funny how we create these fence laws. At first we read in the Bible not to get drunk on wine. Then we decide to never drink alcohol. Then we treat liquor stores like sin dens and before you know it we’re sipping grape juice out of communion cups.

I think it’s time we start paying more attention to what God is really saying…

Listening, Paul.

2010 in review

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,700 times in 2010. That’s about 6 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 24 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 28 posts. There were 39 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 7mb. That’s about 3 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was September 10th with 104 views. The most popular post that day was Squirming Back to Society.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, twitter.com, healthfitnesstherapy.com, blogger.com, and alhome-finance-guide.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for paul paino, lissa gungor, paulpaino.wordpress.com, “paul c paino”, and kelly paino.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Squirming Back to Society September 2010
4 comments

2

About Paulpaino January 2008
1 comment

3

You know what I need. September 2010
3 comments

4

When I Flew Home. October 2010

5

I can’t believe I’m in Idaho July 2010
4 comments

Baby, You’re a Firework

I despise Christmas shopping.

Don’t get me wrong, I love getting presents, but there’s something about having to roam through stores, pillaging the selection, and competitively swarming to the checkout lines that is simply unattractive. Plus, I hate crowds. Christmas shopping is the perfect storm.

In case you’re afraid of being misled – I went Christmas shopping today.

Roaming through the mall, especially this close to Christmas, there are bound to be some real characters. One of my stops tonight took me to the perfume shop that is owned and operated by a very lively Middle-Eastern family. They really know their fragrances.

While I was standing in front of the display case and having numerous perfume samples wafted at my face, the trending Firework song by Katy Perry came blaring through the store speakers. There was a couple of lesbian lovers behind me who immediately started imitating the song, and not being so kind in their review of Katy Perry’s voice.

“Her voice is too ‘whiny!” the short, butch-cut lady barked, “Listen! Baby you’re a fiiiirewoooork. It’s so bad!”

Now, I know that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but opinions are in fact like butt holes. Everybody has one, and they’re not always supposed to be displayed in public.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

“That ‘whiny’ voice is making her millions of dollars.” I gently chimed in. I saved the part about those millions of dollars being more money that this lady will ever see in her lifetime, that was a bit too far.

It’s insane how critical we’ve become. But at the same time, I don’t think this is anything new. We’re a race that has forgotten about grace. If we haven’t forgotten about it, we have most certainly neglected it. The church is no better.

Too often we are intimidated by others’ success. Success is hard to deal with because in some aspect we’re being left behind. To put it in more biblical terms, it’s easier to weep with those who weep than to rejoice with those who rejoice. Even then, in our mutual weeping we love taking on the role as the person who consoles because there’s a sense of control. It’s like the constant reminder that you’re somehow better than them while their head is on your shoulder.

Luckily for us, it’s in our nature. We can’t help it, and God doesn’t expect us to. Having it all figured out is a preposterous ambition. It’s His job, as the creator, to continue creating. Remember – we are a work in progress. Masterpieces aren’t made over night.

I’m such a critical person. I relegate the successes of other people to compromise, selfishness, or flat out luck. Then I wonder why that luck never falls my way. I miss the point so often.

But it’s grace – an abundance of grace – that continues to teach me, continues to challenge me, and continues to keep me humble.

Maybe that very masculine woman in line was right – maybe Katy Perry’s voice is a little whiny. I might have been wrong for telling her she’ll never see in her lifetime the amount of money that Katy Perry sees in a week, but in the end we’re all in need of grace.

Baby, you’re a firework… Man that’s lame.

 

A Drastic Re-Entry

“Sir are you flying with Delta today?”

Crap. Of course I’m flying with Delta – that’s why I’m in the Delta terminal. I didn’t want to fly Delta. It just so happened this was the cheapest airline today. I don’t prefer to fly Delta. In fact, I would much rather fly Southwest. At least they don’t charge for luggage. Remember: “Bags fly for free!”

“Yes! Yes I am.” I responded to the pestering sales lady in the terminal.
“Well how would you like to sign up for a free flight today? Plus you can add your miles from this flight to your frequent flier miles! All you have to do is…”
“Listen, I’m really late for my flight and…”(No I wasn’t. I just landed, and had a 2 hour layover)
“This will only take two minutes! Two minutes of your time.”
“Yeah, but see I don’t know if I have two minutes (glaring at my watch). Sorry!”
That was awkward.

It’s easy to lie to people you’ve never met before. Especially because, chances are, you’ll never see them again. Really I just wanted Starbucks, and the corduroy jacket/tweed backpack combo had resulted in a serious case of “swamp back” in Atlanta’s scorching hot airport. Starbucks was at B30. This lady stopped me at B27.

Standing in the friendly, familiar line of Starbucks my only concern was what to drink. The always-faithful peppermint mocha? How about the occasional caramel mocha? Mm… Decisions, decisions.

(Update: I went with Fiji water. I thought I’d be cool and get one before they went out of business. Apparently they’re not going out of business anymore)
That’s when I turned around. The giant-of-a-woman sales lady was right behind me in line, waiting ever so patiently to select her tasty treat. Crap.

Apparently I was the last rejection she could handle before she needed a break. I felt like such a punk. I slowly took my jacket and glasses off, hoping she wouldn’t recognize me as I quickly assumed a “Clark Kent to Superman” transformation. This is why I try not to lie to people.

Every time I get on an airplane I subconsciously prepare myself for death. I willingly line up with 50 other individuals, waiting to pack ourselves into this giant metal tube with wings that has 3 exits. That’s almost 17 people per exit. If it takes each person 2 minutes to get to an exit, that’s roughly 34 minutes before the last person gets out of the plane that is now flaming, torn in two, upside down, and sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

This was a flight from Fort Wayne to Atlanta – no oceans around. I think I read the chances of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 740,000. You’re more likely to become an astronaut that walks on the moon, but less likely to become the president of the United States.

Good thing I wasn’t flying with Obama.

When I Flew Home.

So it has been a while. I understand that, and apologize. The monotony of work, school, and “life as I know it” is slowly eating away at me. In my spare time I have been finding myself browsing through pictures from this summer, sending seemingly meaningless messages to my friends that are now all across the country, and missing being someplace else. But that’s alright.

I’m going to cheat on this post, and give you a little gem that I initially wanted to keep for myself, but thought you might enjoy – or not, whatever. This was my last “official” Bike & Build entry in my journal that I wrote during my plane ride home. Maybe it will mean something to you:

“Well, here we are. After 4,300 miles, 62 days on a bike, and 16 days building houses, I’m on a plane with a small feeling that all we just worked so hard to achieve is undone after two plane rides.

Of course, a significant part of me is excited to get home, see my family and friends, and get back to my life, but there’s another part of me that has resolved that this is my life. There’s little to get back to. I’m sure I’ll have my moments when school and “business as usual” won’t be enough, and I’ll have to ride my bike down a busy street, and then wish I had my friends to discuss the excitement with later.

Maybe that’s how we got so close. We all suffered together. We climbed mountains, rode into headwinds that were enough to make us cry, and stared down miles and miles of open road. We worried together when hearing about Angela, and held each other just that much closer at the end of the day. We descended through canyons that made us feel invincible, and then got tossed to the ground in a place called “reality” when we heard about Paige. We remembered that the danger is real. We ran from the East and chased down the West, and having the wind at our backs is not a feeling we were soon acclimated to. If the wind wasn’t fighting us, we weren’t going in the right direction.

But above all else, no matter what we did, we did it together.

In some ways we looked more like the church than the church does. We had a cause – that is already more than some churches – we had a goal, and we had a plan.

Too many churches simply exist with no cause, goal, or plan. In some cases the only thing missing is execution of the plan. If I walk away with anything from this trip it would be to quit talking and just do. We spend way too much time talking and planning.

The world is already back to it’s massive self. We just flew over Des Moines, New Mexico and the volcano we climbed when we left there. It took us over a month to get to the coast from there, and we have only been flying for two hours. I still rode my bike there.

(Going through security at the airport today I was unfortunately reminded of how paranoid we all are of each other. Our fear has made us feel threatened, and sparks violence in some of the most unnecessary situations. We live scared, and that’s a sad fact.)

I’m not positive how I want to answer the question, “How was your trip?” Responding with, “Good.” is far too pale an answer. For most people I will respond by telling them it was unbelievable or amazing or use some other very large and descriptive word like that. But for few, those who really want to know, I’ll sit them down and tell them stories. Unfortunately for them the stories I tell  won’t contain facts that they would find interesting. They would be stories about the people. Both those that I rode with, and those that I met along the way. All of us riders received cookies with a “thank you” note from Brad’s mom, saying that it was because of us that Brad’s summer was so great. I think she had the right idea.

I have a story to tell. I like to think it’s a pretty good one, but I’m already thinking about what’s next. Maybe something aquatic.”

So there you have it, the last entry I have put down on paper as it relates to Bike & Build. There will be more to come, I promise. Maybe next time it won’t be so long between updates.

Till then,

Paul

You know what I need.

Just thinking about this post invokes a lot of emotion.

Typically I like to give a bit of background to my posts to let you know where I’m coming from, events leading up till now, moments of inspiration that have sparked these thoughts, but not tonight. Not because I’m lazy or just don’t want to tell you, fact of the matter is that I have no idea where this is coming from. So there you have it.

I made $16 today. Those who have found their way to my blog probably know that I work as a waiter at Acme Bar & Grill – Where Neighbors Meet. It’s nice. I like interacting with people all day, and I enjoy the people I work with – they always come in with crazy stories such as Heather, a 40 year old waitress, taking English classes at Ivy Tech and her stressful endeavor of writing a three page paper. I laughed at her today about that, but it’s okay because she knows that it sounds silly. Typically I make pretty decent money considering the minimal hours I work. Any given night, after working the dinner crowd, I can manage close to $60 in my pocket from tips. Today, however, I left Acme post-lunch with $16. I need a new job.

I can remember as a kid sitting in the rear left riser at Calvary Temple with my Aunt Tammy, fresh out of Sunday School and desperately not wanting to sit through another service. I was hungry, and more important things were in my agenda, such as playing Power Rangers on my Super Nintendo. But I remember the hymns. I remember standing in a room with 1,500 other people singing hymns, and it was awesome. Nowadays hymns are hard to come by. That is unless you go to a “traditional” service at a church that has more than one service. But that might require waking up very early, and sitting amongst people over twice your age, and I could never ask you to do such a thing. I’ve sat in quite a few meetings in recent years discussing the ways to make church services more effective, more relevant, and the answers many of those meetings have produced is simply this: we need newer, better music.

I’m not a huge shopper, mostly because I don’t have money to shop with, but I strolled into the mall two weeks ago after a long drought of not buying clothes or anything of the sort. After making my usual rounds of the stores I typically buy stuff from, I stumbled upon this coat. Now, let me inform you that I have a lot of coats. Leather coats, synthetic coats, coats for skiing, coats for looking cool but leave you freezing your butt off, take my word for it I have a lot of coats. But this coat was different. I don’t have a coat like this. It was gray and made of wool. The double breasted front added a sense of class and style, and the massive collar reminded me we’re definitely in 2010. Pop that collar! Standing there in H&M, looking at just another gray coat, I decided I needed that jacket. (Don’t worry, I talked myself out of it.)

My point is this: we all think that we have a pretty good idea of what we need. But we have no idea. Thankfully, someone does, and no it’s not your parents. (Sorry mom, I still know that you know best, no worries). The question this raises with me is where along the line, after all of our mistakes and screw ups – bad decisions and repeatedly getting hurt, did we decide we could figure out what we needed?

I need a new job? No, I’m there for a reason, and I’m getting by. There are still people for me to show love to, and they need to be shown love.

We need new music? No way. Sure staying relevant holds some weight with me, but being real holds much, much more. Quit trying to be someone you’re not by covering our church services in style and “hipness” and be genuine.

I need new stuff? What I need is to learn to be content, and to find myself blessed and grateful. Jesus implied the concept of giving everything you have to the poor. I wonder what that would look like if we took Him seriously. I need new stuff? No, I have a closet I need to clean out.

The bottom line is this: Jesus knows what we need so much better than we could ever hope to. Jon Foreman makes good music, and puts this idea into words quite well with his song Your Love is Strong (<– clicky)

He knows what I need. And you too.

Examining,

Paul.